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THE KID'S QUICKIE REVIEW OF:
THE BROTHERS GRIMM

    I had no real desire to sit my ass down and watch this flick but I did. GOD DAMNIT! I really wish I had premonition skills in other aspects of my life: being able to see if someone is around the corner while I jerk off, or the lottery numbers, or that whole jerk off thing again… but no, I'm cursed with knowing a shitty movie when I see one… or before I see one, whatever!! Matt Damon has huge fucking teeth, you could swim in Monica Bellucci's cleavage, and Terry Gilliam really needs to stop drinking. Sorry but I just had to get those things off my chest, they may or may not have anything to do with the merits of this film but I needed to air my thoughts. Now, on with the review… the performances were as lack luster as sex with your sister, overall feel and tone was as awkward as sex with your brother, and the plot was as lame and forced as sex with your creepy uncle. One silver lining on this poo covered cloud was Peter Stormare, he's a pretty recognizable character actor who's been in a shit load of movies; most recently he was Satan in Constantine. He plays a French wack-job in charge of torturing people and it seems that he was the only one who had fun making this film. If you were to take him out of the equation this movie would have been even farther in the shitier.