THE KID'S REVIEW OF:
APOLLO 13

OPENING THOUGHTS

    Who wants to watch 3 men trapped in space module freezing their balls off? I do, but only if Tom Hanks is one of those cold eunuchs.

ACTING

    TOM HANKS is one of the greatest actors to have ever walked the earth. I know that's bold but it's how I roll. In this movie Hanks had quite a lot on his plate: he played Jim Lovell, a real man, he had to fake being weightless for many scenes, 95% of his stuff is in a space the size of a closest that even a gay midget couldn't fit in, and on top of that he had to fake being really fucking cold. But that's not what makes him one of the greatest actors, he brings the "everyman" quality to all of his roles and this one is no different. Even though he's playing an astronaut and speaking an ass load of technical lingo, he's honest and believable and makes you think that he's just a guy from next door put in extraordinary circumstances. Except my next door neighbor is probably a pedophile who couldn't figure out his iPod let alone a spacecraft.
    BILL PAXTON is cool guy but just seems to take any old piece of shit that comes his way. He's good in this movie but it was just a matter of time before he found something that worked; if you swing enough times, eventually you'll hit the ball. His character, Fred Haise, is a whiney bitch who almost doesn't make it back to Earth but that would've been ok with me. I don't care if this event actually happened; I would've liked to have seen a different ending for Fred.
    KEVIN BACON does not show his dong in this movie. He wanted to, real bad. There was a shower scene and I'm certain there was conversation between him and Ron Howard but Howard prevailed and commanded Bacon to keep it in his fucking pants. Bacon is good as a douche with a chip on his shoulder and never comes off as completely annoying.
    THE SUPPORTING CAST includes Ed Harris and Gary Sinise. I liked both of these bastards so much that I had to include a mini section and show some love. Watch me "love".

DIRECTION AND SCRIPT

    RON HOWARD has had some great pictures, I'm forgetting The Grinch and The Da Vinci Code and this movie can definitly be filed in the "great" section.  Howard's placement of the camera and overall direction in such cramped quarters couldn't have been easy but it really helps bring a sense of claustrophobia to the audience. And the special effects are so fucking good they hold up to this day, I literally cannot tell what was done with real models and what's CGI; it's mind blowing. As for the music, it's what ties up this pretty package and hands it to you the way my father handed me my first pair of brass knuckles. James Horner provided such a moving score that it earned him an Oscar nomination but was beat out by a film from Italy. Fuck Italy and their smarmy food.
    WILLIAM BROYLES JR. and AL REINART provided one hell of a script for Howard to work with. In fact they too were nominated for the little golden statue and were beat out by a fucking foreigner. Who the shit lets bastards come in and take over our award ceremony?? Who wants to be best in the world? Let's just limit it to best in the country.

THE VERDICT

    With 7 Oscar nominations and 2 wins (for editing and sound), I feel this movie was robbed - granted it was going up against Braveheart. I hadn't watched it since it first came out and I remember it being good but I forgot just how good it truly is. Even though it suffers the curse of we all know how it ends, it really does have you guessing and wondering if everything will come together. It's out of this world. I did it!! I really did it!!
 
 

RATING: A

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