HEFE'S
REVIEW OF:
OCEAN'S TWELVE
Rating: B -
This movie really surprised the poop
out of me, I was not expecting to like this movie, because the first one
I didn't think was all that great, and sequels have a tendency to... well,
how can I put this politely, suck worse than an out of practice whore with
cold sores on her suck hole.
ACTING
GEORGE CLOONY should not be the leading
man in this movie, I know that he was the lead in the first one, but I
mean, I don't know that he is the biggest star out of all of these people
in the movie. I think at this point, Brad Pitt is a bigger star, but whatever.
He did an alright job, he does what he always does, talks in a creepy calm
child molester voice and does his best to not get killed. So if you like
that, then you should be all set. Douche bag.
MATT DAMON did a really good job as
Linus, I was glad he was given a bigger role in this movie, I think he
did some really nice work, even though I couldn't stop thinking of the
puppet version of him in Team America saying "Matt Damon" slowly
the whole time.
CATHERINE ZETA-JONES is only getting
mentioned because something strange happened to me when I watched this
movie. For the first time ever, I found myself thinking that she was attractive!
I know, I don't like Catherine Zeta-Jones, you all know that about me,
I think she normally looks like something forced out of a dog's ass hole.
But somehow in this movie I thought she was easy on the eyes. I mean she
still sucks at acting, but if someone is going to be famous based on the
fact that they are hot, I would at least like to think she is attractive,
I mean you can all understand that right... RIGHT?!
CASEY AFFLECK, at last I have seen
one of your movies, I have been waiting so long to tell the world what
I think of you. You see I have this theory that Casey Affleck is actually
Ben Affleck in a little boy's mask. I mean look at him, he looks sort of
like Ben Affleck, almost like you might think he would look in high school,
the only real difference is that you can hear the bitterness in his voice
every time he speaks. Bitterness that says: "I can't believe Ben is so
famous and I'm not, it's not fucking fair, I am telling Mom and then going
home and getting drunk on Chablis!"
DIRECTION AND SCRIPT
GEORGE NOLFI did a good job with
the dialogue of this movie, but did a terrible job with the story. So I
will shit on his face, but I respect him enough to give him a towel to
wipe it off after words. I think that makes me a fair ruler, and in case
your wondering, I do rule George Nolfi, I won him in a poker game when
I was in San Diego. The main problem that I had with the story was that
first of all the eleven from the first movie were not scared of Terry Benedict,
but as soon as the sequel hit, they were all scared to death and assumed
the only way out was to do exactly what he said. That aside, the whole
plot of a master thief being jealous and forcing them to try and "out rob
him" was interesting, however the ending was so balls that I don't even
wanna talk about it anymore.
STEVEN SODERBERGH is a director that
I usually cannot stand. I think he is the most over rated piece of donkey
shit this side of the Himalayas. That being said, I thought he did a good
job directing this movie. I have waited so long for a chance to bash the
shit out of one of his movies, and now that I finally watch one of them,
I still don't get the chance, oh well, I guess that will have to wait until
I review Traffic or Solaris. I thought the pacing in this
movie was excellent, and I thought the feel and direction style was top
notch. I have to say if more if his movies felt like this I probably wouldn't
hate him as much as I do. You see how I don't blindly hate things! You
see how fair and balanced I am? You see how I didn't just say that he sucked
even if he didn't? He still sucks though.
THE VERDICT
If you like the first one, you know, watch
this movie. In all honesty this movie probably deserves a C +, but I couldn't
bring myself to do it simply because it was so much better than I was expecting.
I mean I was able to enjoy Catherine Zeta-Jones and Steven Soderbergh,
two people I can't stand usually, so that helped the movie a lot I think.
Just look at this movie like a one night stand, it will be fun for one
night, but then return it when it is done, you may talk about it once or
twice with a few friends, but then it disappears from your mind because
it is not the type of movie that is so good it requires multiple viewings.
Just remember to wear a rubber man, this movie has been around, if you
know what I mean. Wink.
Disagree with this review? Have a question? Want
to request a movie for Hefe to review?
Tell Him!!
hefe@hollywoodguys.net
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