HEFE'S REVIEW OF:
EVERYONE SAYS I LOVE YOU

OPENING THOUGHTS

    I wasn't sure what to expect when I watched this movie, a few people had told me this movie was really good, it looked like there was a pretty amazing cast, and I really like Moulin Rouge, so I figured why not give this movie a chance.

ACTING

    WOODY ALLEN was just awful in this movie, I don't think I have ever seen him stutter more. I just wanted to take hold of his squirrely half inch neck and ring it until he spit out whatever worthless thing he was trying to say. In usual fashion he played some guy who was supposed to be charming and was somehow able to get beautiful women to look at him. In this case it was Julia Roberts, who is ugly, but still out of his league, lets face it the only people in his league routinely shop at Wal-Mart.
    EDWARD NORTON was probably my favorite person in this movie, and I think probably the best singer out of the bunch, which I have to say he surprised me from head to balls. He really didn't have that big of a role though, I would have liked to see more of him, and his ridiculous suits.
    ALAN ALDA also put in a good performance and I was surprised at his voice talents as well, I mean they weren't spectacular but compared to Woody Allen's and Julia Robert's voices he could have been Luciano Pavarotti. I like his froggy voice, he almost sounds like I would imagine Kermit The Frog would sound after his balls dropped and he became a man frog.

DIRECTION AND SCRIPT

    WOODY ALLEN did not impress me with this movie. It was not written well, and it was not directed well either, so I guess that means we should put him down. I think the thing that bothered me most about this movie is that there was no main character, everyone was a supporting character, and as a result I never really cared about anyone. There was nothing to get behind, nothing to root for. It was also directed pretty poorly, as fellow writer G Baby pointed out to me, there were no close ups everything was filmed from a wide angle, further separating you from the characters. The other problem is that most of the songs were pretty dang generic, I didn't leave the movie with a song stuck in my head, it just faded away like a fart in the wind. The one thing that was done well, was the choreography there were some people dancing there asses off in this movie, doing all sorts of crazy hurky jerky moves, but sadly they were not captured very well thanks to Woody Allen's shitty direction. I can see what Allen was trying to do with this movie, but he just did a really bad job of it, so I cannot in good conscience endorse this movie.

THE VERDICT

    If you are really into theater you may like this movie because it reminds you of the time you were a back up dancer in Guys And Dolls, but honestly there are better musicals out there. I would have to recommend Moulin Rouge since that is my favorite of the genre, which I know will piss a lot of people off, but fuck you for being pissed off at that. This movie was not terrible, but really it should have been a lot better man, just a lot better.
 
 

RATING: C -

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