HEFE'S REVIEW OF:
BAD SANTA (2003)

OPENING THOUGHTS

    Ok so the name says it all, this movie is about a bad fucking santa, but saying it and seeing it are two separate things. I mean this guy is really bad, and by bad I mean awesome, and by awesome I mean you need to see it for yourself, and when I say you need to see it for yourself I mean... ahh... ok I admit it I don't know where I was going, I'm sorry.

ACTING

    BILLY BOB THORNTON is so good in this movie, but good doesn't even come close to describing his performance. He is everything that a Santa Claus should not be, and I love him for it. His character will go down in legendary status in my mind as one of the greatest swearers in cinema history, along with the likes of Jay from the Kevin Smith movies, and the cast of The Big Lewboski. Thank you Billy Bob, thank you for making swearing a part of Christmas.
    LAUREN GRAHAM is smoking hot, I mean really smoking hot. I mean I can't believe I have never seen her before this movie, and I would spend money to see her naked hot. Also, I don't know exactly what about it was so hot but when she was taking it from Billy Bob, and she kept repeating "Fuck me Santa, Fuck Me Santa!" I nearly shot in my pants.
    BRETT KELLY is what really takes this movie over-the-top to awesome status. He plays this retarded kid named Thurman Merman. He is basically the dancing fat kid from the main page, except somehow dumber and in love with sandwiches. If this kid isn't really that retarded in real life, he deserves an Oscar.
    JOHN RITTER died shortly after making this film so I feel I must say something about the guy. He was funny in this movie, obviously not the star, but John Ritter was awesome for a lot of years and I thank him for that. I was a fan of Three's Company, and even though most people hate it I really liked the movie Stay Tuned. So thank you John Ritter... I will never forget the time I saw you at Disneyland.
    BERNIE MAC didn't piss me off in this movie. Which is weird because he normally makes me furious. But in this movie he was very laid back, he wore a cowboy hat, ate oranges, and got a manicure. Very refreshing, but I still won't watch Mr. 3000.

DIRECTION AND SCRIPT

    TERRY ZWIGOFF is good at capturing off beat things, he did it with Ghost World and with this movie he set his sites on Christmas. Instead of doing the same old happy film, he threw piss and shit at the holiday season and I love him for it.
    GLENN FICARRA and JOHN REQUA wrote the script for this movie, and the best part of this film is the dialogue. The dialogue and swearing in this film is priceless, and I can't express in words how happy the retarded kid makes me. I love all of the lines about sandwiches and bloody pickles. There are some slow parts in the movie that I wish could have been picked up, and the fact that he was completely drunk the whole movie seemed to take up too much of the storyline. But really, the rest is so good it hardly matters.

THE VERDICT

    If you are sick of the same old Christmas miracle movies in which no one swears, no one dies, and no one has sex with a hot leather pants wearing bartender, then watch this movie. This movie is a great Christmas movie, but it is good enough to watch anytime of the year. I think you will agree that this movie is a nice change of pace and will put you into a special brand of Christmas cheer that usually only comes after drinking too much egg nog.
 
 

RATING: B +

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