HEFE'S REVIEW OF:
THE APARTMENT

OPENING THOUGHTS

    I know this is going to sound a bit odd, and not in a: "Look that guy is fucking a seagull!" sort of a way, but rather a more innocent: "Is that a grown man trying to tickle himself?" sort of way. I have actually owned this movie for about five years and have never gotten around to watching it until just now. I know it's weird, but for God's sake stop tickling yourself, you're a grown man. You hear me, you're embarrassing yourself! Well the truth is I bought this movie assuming I would like it on a really good sale, and then shit happened, and somehow I never watched it. I wanna be completely honest with you right now, that tickling business is starting to creep me out. all right I am just going to move on, you should too.

ACTING

    JACK LEMMON proves in this movie why he will go down in history as one of the best straight men in comedies, and I am not referring to his sexuality, although I will admit he can be a little bit of a Mary, if you know what I mean. He played a frustrated insurance man who let's himself be the company door mat in an effort to gain a quick promotion better than anyone else probably could have done it. I like Jack Lemmon, always have and probably always will.
    SHIRLEY MACLAINE is not someone whose career I am that familiar with. I know some of her more recent movie roles, but I know almost nothing of her career as a young woman. In fact I found it a little bit frightening to see her looking so young and, dare I say, attractive. After seeing her only as an old lady, it felt like I was admitting my Grandma was hot or something. Well, all I know is I would I would take a hand job from her, as long as she kept on her "elevator girl" gloves.
    FRED MACMURRAY I know principally from such films as The Shaggy Dog and The Absent Minded Professor. So, I must say it was a bit of a shock to see the friendly father figure playing such a strong pimp-hand. For some reason though, I couldn't shake his persona from my mind, it seemed like every line he said, was some sort of friendly lecture to a son. Even when he was demanding the keys to Baxter's apartment so he could bang his girlfriend.

DIRECTION AND SCRIPT

    BILLY WILDER is one of my favorite directors from the 50's and 60's. He is one of the few director's of the time interested in taking risks and really pushing the envelope. I mean how many movies can you think of involving cross-dressers and an unbelievable amount of extramarital affairs from that time period that weren't directed by Billy Wilder and weren't snuff films? Well, I don't know exactly how many there were, as I actually have no interest in researching it since we have already ruled out snuff films.
    BILLY WILDER and I.A.L. DIAMOND wrote a great script. Outside of the fact that this movie dealt with a subject that was almost unseen in movies from that era, the story was actually genuinely good. The dialogue is witty and quick, there are a diverse range of characters (although many of them are shallow or stereotypes), and the movie manages to have a sweet, feel-good feel to it, even though we know upfront that the lead female in the movie is a whore. It's kind of like Pretty Woman, only the woman is actually pretty, and she doesn't get paid to spread her legs, she does it for free.

THE VERDICT

    This is a great old movie, and I don't say that very often. There are few old movies in my opinion that can really keep my attention, or not cause me to roll my eyes at the disgusting "nice-ness" of everything on the screen. This movie is genuinely funny, and with great performances from Shirley MacLaine and Jack Lemmon, there is no reason why you shouldn't give this oldie but goodie a try. You know what they say the older they are, the harder they try... and the more lube you will need. You know, because there vagina's are dry.
 
 

RATING: B

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