HEFE'S REVIEW OF:
THE ANIMAL (2001)

OPENING THOUGHTS

    This is one of those movies that I am ashamed to own. Back in the days when I worked at a video store and was able to buy things at a discount I bought a lot of mistakes. It's been nine years since I bought this movie and when I made the decision to watch this again I actually had to remove the shrink wrap. That should give you an inkling about how I feel about this film.

ACTING

    ROB SCHNEIDER is not a leading man, and I don't understand why he keeps getting the opportunity to be one. He is fine in small supporting roles in movies, and he was good for a few laughs on Saturday Night Live but he is not strong enough, or funny enough for that matter, to hold up a movie on his own. His impressions of animals seemed like wanna be Jerry Lewis impersonations and they fell completely flat for me.
    COLLEEN HASKELL is apparently from the show Survivor, and you know when you are offering parts to contestants of reality shows that you probably are not all that concerned about making a quality movie. She is cute enough to look at I suppose, and I like her voice. Sadly however,  she is really lacking in the acting department. She was not able to convincingly display the slightest bit of emotion, or have the least bit of comedic timing. It's weird that she hasn't been a single other movie since this... hmm.
    THE SUPPORTING CAST was the most bizarre thing of all. How in the hell did they get Edward Asner to stain his resume by agreeing to appear in such a throw away role. Then you have John C. McGinley who we have all grown to love from his work in Scrubs. His angry cop character was slightly amusing, but the writing behind it was totally flat. Norm MacDonald as it turns out was the only funny part of the whole damn movie. He had maybe three minutes of screentime, but he saved this film from being a complete shit pile. I am confident his lines were improvised, and his delivery is 100% Norm MacDonald. So if you are a fan of his like I am, do yourself a favor and see if you can find the clip online. If you can't just forget I said anything because it is such a small part that it is not worth sitting through the whole movie just to see.

DIRECTION AND SCRIPT

    LUKE GREENFIELD directed this movie, and what can you really say about it? Visually the movie looked it was using cardboard special effects for everything. I don't know if that was intentional or not, but I didn't appreciate it. I also was not a fan of the choice of using close-ups of Rob Schneider's contorted face as real animal noises are played. That along with the shitty sets, made the film look and feel cheap.
    TOM BRADY and ROB SCHNEIDER wrote this film, and I can't believe this was marketed to adults. This would have fared much better as a PG family movie, which with a few small cuts could have been easily achieved. The humor in this is juvenile, and not in the good teenage fart and dick joke type of way. I imagine this movie is similar to the experience you would have watching an episode of The Wiggles, with thankfully less singing.

THE VERDICT

    Even on upon the second viewing it is hard to find any redeeming qualities in this film. Truly if it wasn't for Norm MacDonald I would have flunked this movie hard and deep. If you have gone this long without managing to see this movie, do yourself a favor and let a good thing keep on rolling. You will not get that time back, and when you are on your deathbed you will regret the time you spent on shit like this, I know I will.
 
 

RATING: D -

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