HEFE'S REVIEW OF:
THE AMITYVILLE HORROR (1979)

OPENING THOUGHTS

    I bought this movie many moons ago for a Halloween party without ever seeing it simply because I recognized the name. We never got around to watching the movie that night and this damn thing just sat there collecting dust like an old forgotten muffin. I don't know why I said muffin just then. I mean there are literally thousands of things I could have said instead that would have made a lot more sense. Weird.

ACTING

    JAMES BROLIN is not a very good actor, but I will say one thing for him, he grows a hell of a beard. In his later years Brolin has become good for a few laughs as a funny business man, but I can't think of anything I actually liked him when he was in his prime. He certainly seemed angry throughout most of the film, but I found his intensity to be more amusing than scary.
    MARGOT KIDDER has gone mad, at least that is what I understand from recent episodes of Family Guy. That seems plausible to me though, I have always thought she seemed a bit unstable. For the record, in case if I never make it around to talking about in the future, I just want to mention that I always thought she made a shitty Lois Lane. Her performance in this wasn't really any better either. I found her to be boring and irritating.
    ROD STEIGER is apparently an Oscar winning thespian. His early resume seems pretty impressive, but I must confess I can't really remember any of his earlier roles. I should probably go back and bone up on Rod... wow. I suppose the reason that I mentioned that bit about him being showered with awards earlier in his career is because you would never know it by his performance in this film. The part was melodramatic and totally unbelievable in my opinion. There is a part where he is stricken with blindness randomly and instead of feeling sorry for him I laughed out loud like a silly bastard. Not usually a good sign.

DIRECTION AND SCRIPT

    STUART ROSENBERG was trying to do something different with the direction of this movie, the problem is, at least for me, was that it sucked ass. Hey kept trying to use exterior shots of the house shown with different colored filters or shown as a negative instead of actually showing something scary. Now I am not going to focus too much on the outdated way that this movie was shot or the primitive way the film was edited considering that this was filmed in 1979, oh wait I guess I just did. Part of the problem is that I don't know how to judge a movie like this. Do I just excuse everything because the movie is old and pretend that I don't notice how poorly the "effects" look, or do I just come out and say this looks shitty to me and make it seem as though I can't appreciate older movies. I think I am just going to say that it's shitty, because let's be honest this is probably not highly regarded as "art" anyway.
    SANDOR STERN wrote a horror screenplay that was laugh-out-loud funny. So, I don't know exactly what to do with that. I am guessing by how popular the movie was that at the time people felt that this was scary, but I just can't really see how. My mind has probably just decayed so much over the years that virtually nothing effects me anymore. I just thought the whole story was ludicrous, especially the part with Father Delaney. It just didn't seem to make sense why the house was magically able to effect him so directly even when he was nowhere near it. The story seemed shoddy at best, and the dialogue must have been stolen from a cheese factory... you know because it was cheesy.

THE VERDICT

    If you are really into old horror movies you are probably an anti-social weirdo who likes to spank it on to packages of old muffins. Man I think I must be really jonzing for a muffin or something. I suppose if you saw this movie when it was first released there is probably some sort of nostalgic value to this movie, but outside of that I can't endorse watching this flick. It might still be good to watch with a group of people at a Halloween party though, I could see it being fun to make fun of how ridiculous this movie is with a group of friends.
 
 

RATING: D

Disagree with this review? Have a question?
Want to request a movie for Hefe to review?
Tell Him!!
hefe@hollywoodguys.net


If you think these reviews taste good, you should sign up for The Hollywood Tickle! You will get a buffet of fun jammed right in your inbox!


ACTOR LIST~~MOVIE LIST~~DIRECTOR LIST~~SCREENWRITER LIST




GET EXCLUSIVE CONTENT  JOIN FAN DISCUSSIONS  GET NEW REVIEWS AS THEY ARE POSTED