HEFE'S REVIEW OF:
ALPHA DOG (2007)

OPENING THOUGHTS

    I thought this movie looked like one longer poser-fest, and I am going to be honest with you, the only reason I wanted to see this movie was so that I could once again tear into Justin Timberlake's acting and shame him for appearing in another film. But to my surprise I walked away from this movie feeling angry at another young man... and yes I did say "young man", this is because I am ninety-three years young.

ACTING

    EMILE HIRSCH was a terrible choice for this role. He was butt-fucking awful in this movie, and the whole time he was trying to be a bad-ass I found myself thinking "am I supposed to buy this shit, this kid is a pussy sandwich made on freshly baked parmesan-oregano pussy bread." Literally I thought that everytime he came on screen, and it took me so long to think it that I usually missed the next line in the movie. In conclusion: I buy Emile Hirsch as a nerd, but I do not buy him as a drug dealer.
    JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE was actually quite good in this movie, which makes me angry. I was ready to shit in his mouth, but now... now I need to find a toilet because I have been holding this log inside me for quite sometime. Timberlake was totally believable in his role, and I believed he was who he said he was. Much better than his role in Black Snake Moan. I guess now he has to be in another movie to help me decide whether or not I despise him, or if he just got lucky.
    BEN FOSTER was by far the best actor in this film, he totally surprised me, he was incredibly intense and he acted just like he was on meth. I have talked with people who are on meth before and trust me, he had it down really well. I was totally blown-away by his performance, I will be watching this young man... now where in the hell are my Werther's candies?

DIRECTION AND SCRIPT

    NICK CASSAVETES did ok with this this movie, some parts were really good, but the vast majority of this movie felt like it was trying really hard to come across as hip and cool. Kind of like if an old person was instructed to watch MTV for a week and then write a movie that would appeal to the same audience. It just didn't feel right.

THE VERDICT

    This movie is one that you can skip if you are looking for an all-around good film. There were a couple of really good performances from Ben Foster and (sigh) Justin Timberlake, but that wasn't enough to make this movie memorable in anyway, although it was enough to bump the grade up a little bit.
 
 

RATING: C +

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