HEFE'S REVIEW OF:
ALONG CAME POLLY

OPENING THOUGHTS

    Ben Stiller used to make funny movies, and just yesterday I wrote a review about Love Liza saying that Phillip Seymour Hoffman saved a dull movie. Oh, and Jennifer Aniston is... is... well she's at least really hot. So how could this movie suck? Read on if you dare...

ACTING

    BEN STILLER put in his really average guy average performance routine that he seems to do in between movies that he actually wants to make like Zoolander, and Starsky and Hutch. I feel like Ben Stiller is going for some kind of record to see how many movies he can headline in a single year. Most of these marathon movies are very average, like the mistake of a movie Duplex, but when Stiller really gets into a part, especially a part that he has helped write, a magic happens that makes him appear to be a comic genius. So Ben, please I beg you, stop making shitty movies! You have to be rich enough by now to be able to only do the movies that you wanna do, and should do!
    JENNIFER ANISTON's character was not as exciting as she was supposed to be. I believe this is mostly due to the poor writing of the script, but not all of the blame can be placed there. Some of the blame has to be placed square on the shoulders of Aniston, who made her role as an unpredictable fun chaser about as believable as a toupee on an asshole. Alright I don't know exactly what that means either but you get the idea. Although speaking of ass, Jennifer Aniston's was looking very good in those red shorts grrrrrrr!
    PHILLIP SEYMOUR HOFFMAN, you are such a good actor, why oh why have you done this to yourself? PSH (read the Love Liza review if your confused by this abbreviation.) played an interesting character in this movie, and by interesting I mean shitty. I tried to figure out why I hated it so much and finally figured it out when talking to a friend about it, so take note that the following idea is not my own, but it has my full endorsement. PSH was doing a Jack Black impersonation! I know it's hard to believe, I mean no one can be the Jack Attack except the Black, and the fact that he was trying ruined his character. If they wanted Jack Black so bad why didn't they just go and hire him! PSH please don't try to be something you are not, Jack Black is good at what he does and you are good at what you do, don't try to cross streams man, you'll just get all wet!

DIRECTION AND SCRIPT

    JOHN HAMBURG has created a boring, average, life-less, cliché ridden piece of shit. First off, this guy must have taken a script writing class while he was writing this thing. He was probably taught that opposites make for good humor. So what could be funnier than a guy who is boring for a living, trying to hook up with a girl who has ADD. The answer is: almost anything would have been better. Then the addition of the blind ferret is just so 90's average movie. You take an unusual pet and give it a disability and then give away free plush toys of it when people pre-order the movie. AVERAGE, AVERAGE, AVERAGE! Even the characters weren't really developed well. Aniston's character Polly Prince, for instance was labeled as coo-key, but the only evidence to support her behavior was her saying "do it" or "don't" half a billion times and a love for Indian food and salsa dancing. Holy crap the chaos of her life! You know I like Mexican food and video games, and let me tell you about crazy.

THE VERDICT

    If you like Ben Stiller your going to watch this movie regardless of what I say, which incidentally is the reason movies like this get made. But let me just caution you that if you are watching this movie expecting it to be as hilarious as Stiller's really good work, then you are setting yourself up for disappointment. Of course if you thought Duplex was a good movie, then you should definitely watch this movie, and may God have mercy on your easily amused soul.
 
 

RATING: C -

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