G BABY'S REVIEW OF:
CLOSER

OPENING THOUGHTS

    I'm not like most people! Okay? I like Julia Roberts more than Natalie Portman. There! I 'effin said it. It feels good getting that out there. Julia Roberts is a true Hollywood star and she's aging like a fine wine. I think Natalie is dirty like Scarlett Johansson is dirty. But Scarlett Johansson is dirtier than Natalie Portman. I think it's very important that everybody knows this. People need to know how I feel because I'm important. I'm very very important. That being said, I like Christina Aguilera and this movie intrigued me before I even saw it. Just as it probably intrigued everybody else who saw the trailer and thought, I wonder...

ACTING

    NATALIE PORTMAN is overrated in my book. She's an okay actress I suppose, but I don't understand why people make such a mess in their pants about her. I only think she looks good some of the time and most of the time she looks average and dirty. Although I will admit that she looked better than I've ever seen her look in the very last scene of this movie. Regardless of how I feel about her, I admit she acted well. I must say all four actors did a great job.
    JUDE LAW did a great job of playing an artistic pussy. I really believed he was an artistic pussy. I can't think of anybody else who could have played such a good artistic pussy and still be believable as a man that Julie Roberts and Natalie Portman would desire. Maybe Justin Timberlake.
    JULIA ROBERTS was real good in this movie. Like I was talking about earlier, I think she's a mature and handsome woman. This movie is different from anything else I've seen her in. I give her, and everybody else, a big load of credit for having the balls to act in movie with such sexually explicit dialogue. I've never heard anybody say such dirty things to Julia Roberts, not even when she played a jizz covered whore in Pretty Woman. My favorite part of the movie was when Clive Owen asked if she took it in the mouth and she said yes. No wait. That was my second favorite part. My first favorite part was when Jude Law had internet sex with Clive Owen.
    CLIVE OWEN... oh Clive Owen, you were great in this movie. I want you to be my Clive own. I saw this movie and then I saw Sin City a few days later and I'm already ready to accept Clive Owen as a movie star. Skeet Ulrich has been around for years and I still reject him, along with many others. So, good job Clive Owen! Clive Owen is cool man! He's just cool! I hope he gets to play James Bond. And he looks like he could be my better looking older brother.

DIRECTION AND SCRIPT

    MIKE NICHOLS's direction was nothing spectacular. He did a good job of making sure the script came to the screen but that's about it. He didn't do anything visually with this movie to give you a hard-on about. I guess he did a good job of making sure it was not boring. It's based on a play so it's all about the dialogue which could have gotten old after a while. But I think the actors deserve just as much credit as the director for keeping it interesting in this case.
    PATRICK MARBER adapted his own play into the screenplay for this movie. I really liked this script. I loved how it focused on the most interesting parts of this love square. And just as in real life, the most compelling parts of the relationships were the parts filled with conflict. It completely skipped over all the good times to go right to the next conflict. It didn't even show the affairs. It would jump forward in time and the only way you would know what was happening is by listening to what the characters were saying. I've never seen another movie do this. It sounds like a bad idea, but for me it worked really well and I found it very refreshing. Also, the characters and situations were very well written. Anybody who has been in a relationship can identify at least some of the feelings these characters were going through. I connected with everybody without ever taking sides. I think that's what the script was trying to do and, if that's the case, then it succeeded enormously.

THE VERDICT

    The script combined with some very strong performances made this movie work for me. This movie is not for everyone. Definitely skip it if you don't like plays, or movies that are dialogue driven. But if you're one of those people who waits to see what gets nominated for Oscars and then pretends to like them so you'll feel smart, then watch this movie and pretend to like it and feel smart. It's better than most. And if you keep your mind spread-eagle then you might learn something.
 
 

RATING: B

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