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G BABY'S QUICKIE REVIEW OF:
300

    I had it all planned out. My joke was going to make them all laugh. As I entered the theater I was ready to say, "1,2... skip a few... 299, 300!" It was going to be great and everyone was going to love me. But as I began, "1, 2..." my friend said, "I hope there's a ton of dick in this!" And everyone laughed at him instead. I'm not mad though. His joke was way better than mine. And there was a ton of dick in 300. It was covered up by little Speedos, but it was there. It was all there. Other than the ton of dick, 300 was actually not what I thought it was going to be. I was expecting wall to wall gruesome violence and bloodshed and carnage. Basically, I was expecting the best war movie ever made. I ended up seeing a mediocre war movie with way too much slow motion and too many contrived speeches. The pacing was pretty bad too. When people weren't getting killed, the movie was almost uninteresting. There a few good fighting scenes and visually parts of the movie were very impressive, but most of it was just okay at best.